My husband and I watched Adolescence on Netflix this week. It was an eye-opener, and even though we don’t have kids (he does, but she’s well beyond her high school years), we found it fascinating.
Not to give anything away, but the parents involved in the situation were having difficult conversations as they tried to wrap their heads around what happened and the whys and hows.
We both remarked that it was nice to see the parents trying to take accountability for their part in what their son did. I imagine it would be difficult to accept that your child has done something terrible to another person. After moving out of the denial stage, I would guess it would be hard not to think about what you did or didn’t do that made your child do what they did.
As someone who doesn’t have kids but still has a vague recollection of what it was like, I would say to any parent going through something like this: You only know what they share with you.
I know I did things when I was a pre-teen and teenager that my parents never knew about. Granted, I was never smart enough that they didn’t learn about some of my wrongdoings, but there are still things they have no idea about (and I’m okay with that).
When I think about my transgressions as an adolescent, it reminds me that we all have secrets. Sure, our close friends at the time may know what we’ve done, but we made sure to keep it from anyone in a position of authority, and this is coming from someone who was a rule-follower at least 80% of the time.
The reality is, as parents, your sphere of influence gets smaller as your children grow older, and unless you’re having meaningful conversations with them, you might not know when opposing views or values creep in. I shared a lot with my dad, because it was a safe space, without judgement, and that’s important.
I’m grateful that I did my high school years before the internet and social media. I’m not sure how I would have navigated that extra level of peer pressure and bullying, especially knowing that I would have been an outlier, with my parents not giving in to my request for a phone or access to social media, for that matter.
I decided to watch Adolescence after seeing conversations on LinkedIn about how thought-provoking it was. After watching the four episodes, I couldn’t agree more. The series provides food for thought whether you’re the parent of an adolescent or not, and I guess that was the whole point. 🩵