I’ve never been a fan of ultimatums. I don’t consider myself rebellious by nature, but there’s something about the idea of being told I should be or do something “or else” that doesn’t sit right with me. I’m a rule follower, but there are exceptions – it has to make sense and feel right.
I’ve been asked my opinion on giving someone an ultimatum, and each time, my advice is if you’re willing to accept that you may not get the response you’re looking for, then go ahead and do it. We can’t force people to do things they don’t want to, even if we think it’s the right thing for them. We have to accept that the only thing we can control is ourselves.
When people oblige and decide to do what you want to avoid the consequences of your ultimatum, you risk dealing with resentment in the future. I’ve been in situations where I encountered an ultimatum. Whenever I’ve gone against my instincts and obliged instead of dealing with the consequences, I end up dealing with more issues, which leads to resentment.
Ultimatums may give you what you want in the short term, but you may have to deal with long-term problems as a result. Instead of trying to control others with ultimatums, I think that we should focus on what we can do for ourselves that will give us the result we’re looking for.
If we’re using an ultimatum to force someone to give us an answer to a question, we may not be happy with the response, and we can’t be angry with the response, because we forced it. Sometimes it may be better to practice patience and have faith that we’ll get the answer we’re looking for when the time is right.
We can’t force others to be ready when we’re ready. If we’re prepared to do something, and the people in our lives aren’t ready, then maybe we need to expand our circle to find the people who are ready and willing to help us achieve our goals. Expanding our circle may mean stepping outside our comfort zone, but sometimes that’s necessary to accomplish our goals.
An ultimatum may compel people to do what we want, but it might not shift their feelings or passion. We shouldn’t be surprised if when we issue ultimatums and win, we don’t feel the excitement we were hoping for. We may be able to force people to do things with ultimatums, but we can’t control their feelings.
If you’re feeling tempted to issue an ultimatum, consider what you hope to accomplish. Think about whether or not you can achieve what you want to accomplish without putting someone in a position to “have to” do what you want. Keep in mind the reasons why you may be hearing a no. Maybe it’s not the right time.
Instead of trying to control others, focus on yourself. You may get what you want in the short term, but you risk dealing with resentment and unhappiness in the future. Instead of issuing ultimatums, talk it out, and find a way to compromise. Everyone will be happier in the long run. ♥