A couple of years ago, I learned some news, and my first impulse was to fix it and make it better for the parties involved. Thankfully, I’m not someone who immediately acts on impulses (anymore), especially regarding other people’s relationships. I learned young that people make decisions when they’re ready, not when you want them to.
Long story short, I didn’t intervene. It didn’t feel right to get involved in something that didn’t directly affect me. I decided to leave it alone and hope that the people involved, both people I care dearly about, would find a way to come to an understanding.
Last week, in a conversation with one of the people, I learned that things are back on track, and all is well. It reminded me that I don’t need to fix every problem that I’m aware of. It also reminded me that sometimes when people tell you about a difficulty they’re experiencing, they’re not looking for a solution; they may just want to talk their feelings out with someone they trust.
I used to think that if someone came to me with a problem, it was my duty to fix it. It’s something I’ve realized I have in common with my husband. I often tell him about a difficulty I’m having, and he goes into solution mode when often I just want to talk about it and get it off my chest. Sometimes we just want to vent, and sometimes we already know what we need to do to fix it.
The key is to be aware of what your friend or family is looking for when they come to you with a problem. Do they just want to vent or bounce ideas about possible solutions to their difficulties? If you’re not sure, ask. If you’re going to help them, you need to be clear on what kind of help they need. Don’t assume that you know. You know what they say about people who assume… 😉